he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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