Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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