Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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