She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
