Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
