i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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