so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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