If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
