who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
