Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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