Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
