she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
