He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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