we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
