Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
