I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
