I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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