so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
