Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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