So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
