his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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