strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
