So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
