mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
