Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
