She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
