Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
