just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
