couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
