My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
