i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
