Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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