is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
