I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
