Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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