so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
