chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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