Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
