your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
