im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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