Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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