apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
