i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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