ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
