The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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