I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
