Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
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I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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