Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
