I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
