Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
