guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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